Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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