His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
