if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
