If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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