A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
