so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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