Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
