how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
