so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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