Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
