i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
