but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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