got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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