So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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