a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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