my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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