well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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