My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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