i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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