I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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