She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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