mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
