you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
