Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
