Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
