JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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