Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
