just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
