I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
