Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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