Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
