Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
