Don't you send me to vm
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
