I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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