I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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