You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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