how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
