explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
