I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
