I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
