i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
