you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
