are you so shy because you have an std?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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