im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
