So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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