Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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