College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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