For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
