Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
