hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
