and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
