All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
