i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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