You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His nipple licking is glorious
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