still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
