Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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