I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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