Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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