I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
