In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
